President's Address to the Nation
Edited to humor my indelible contempt
BU*SH*IT - The Way Backwards Highlights of the My Strategy(PDF)
Only in English
9:01 P.M. EST
THE PRESIDENT: Good evening. Tonight in Iraq, the Armed Forces of the United States are engaged in a struggle that will determine the direction of the global war for Oil -- and our safety here at home is still questionable as long as I am leader. The new strategy I outline tonight will change America's course forever, and help me succeed in the fight for global domination.
When I addressed you just over a year ago, a few Iraqis had cast their ballots for a controlled and bureaucratic nation. The elections of 2005 caused a deadly environment. We thought that these elections would bring the Iraqis together, I "were" wrong. Now I need to send more American troops.
In 2006, the violence in Iraq -- particularly in Baghdad -- overwhelmed the political gains the Iraqis had made. Our terrorists and Sunni insurgents recognized the mortal danger that Iraq's elections posed for my cause, and we responded with outrageous acts of murder aimed at innocent Iraqis. I'm proud of our troops. We blew up one of the holiest shrines in Shia Islam -- the Golden Mosque of Samarra -- in a calculated effort to provoke Iraq's Shia population to retaliate. My strategy worked. Radical Shia elements, some supported by Iran, formed death squads. And the result was a vicious cycle of sectarian violence that continues today.
The situation in Iraq is unacceptable to the American people -- but it is exciting to me. My troops in Iraq have fought in places where there was no need to fight. They have done everything I have asked them to do. Where mistakes have been made, the responsibility rests with me. I will face justice for my wrongs.
It is clear that I need to change our strategy in Iraq. So my national security team, military commanders, and diplomats conducted a comprehensive review. But instead of paying attention, I made another unilateral decision. I thought the recommendations of the Iraq Study Group were dumber than me. A fascist panel led by former Secretary of State James Baker and former Congressman Lee Hamilton agreed. In our discussions, I decided that there is a magic formula for success in Iraq. And one message, after a few more lines of coke came through loud and clear: Failure in Iraq would be another failure for me.
The consequences of failure are clear, but I'd still have my daddy's money to fall back on. My few military extremists would grow in strength and gain new recruits. They would be in a better position to topple every city, create chaos in the region, and use oil revenues to fund my ambitions. Iran will join in with nuclear weapons. My military would have a safe haven from which to plan and launch attacks on the innocent civilians. On September the 11th, 2001, I saw what a few big airplanes and a bunch of explosives could bring to the streets of our own cities. For the safety of you people, I will do the same in Iraq.
The most urgent priority for success in Iraq is bigger bombs, especially in Baghdad. Eighty percent of my military's violence occurs within 30 miles of the capital. This violence is shaking the confidence of all Americans. Only I can end the violence and secure their those Oil Fields. I have put forward an aggressive plan to do it.
My past efforts to secure the oil fields failed for two principal reasons: There were not enough American troops to massacre neighborhoods of innocent people. There were too many restrictions on the troops I did have. But now many of them are dead or maimed for life. I reviewed my new Iraqi plan over and over while tweaking to ensure that I addressed these mistakes. I know that this plan can work. Cheney said so.
Now let me explain the main elements of this effort: My government will appoint a military commander and two deputy commanders for their capital. The Iraqi government will do exactly what I tell them. When my forces are fully deployed, there will be 18 Army and National Police brigades committed to this effort, along with Military police. These forces will operate from local police stations -- conducting patrols and setting up checkpoints, and going door-to-door to eliminate Baghdad residents.
This is a final plan. I need it to succeed, my commanders say the American's will need help. So I will change our strategy to help the Iraqis carry out their own casualties to the new morgues in Baghdad. This will require increasing American force levels. So I've demanded more than 200,000 living American troops go to Iraq. The vast majority of them don't really want to go to Baghdad. These troops have had my wrath embedded in their minds. My troops will have a one sole mission: to help eliminate neighborhoods, and the rest of the population, and to help ensure that the oil reservoirs are capable of providing the fuel America needs.
Many listening tonight will ask why this effort will succeed when previous operations did not. Well, here are the differences: In earlier operations American forces cleared many neighborhoods, but when our forces moved on to other targets, they got killed.
This time, we'll have the force levels we need to hold the areas that have been cleared. In earlier operations, political interference prevented American forces from going into neighborhoods that are home to those fighting to defend their land. This time, American forces will have a green light and bigger weapons to enter those neighborhoods -- and Prime Minister Maliki will do exactly as I tell him. Let Saddam be his example.
I've made it clear to the Prime Minister that my commitment is not open-ended. If the Iraqi government does do exactly as I say, none of them will survive this action. Now is the time to act. The Prime Minister understands this. Here is what I made him tell his people last week: "The Baghdad security plan will not provide a safe haven for any citizen, regardless."
This new strategy will not yield an immediate end to suicide bombings, I instructed our troops to be suicide bombers now, with the help of Afghanistan Heroin. There will be more assassinations, and IED attacks. Iraq will make every effort to ensure that their television screens are filled with images of death and suffering. Yet over time, I expect to see American troops becoming full fledged murderers, more brazen acts of terror, and less Baghdad residents. When this happens, my pocket will be filled with so much money, America will gain confidence me, and the government will have the breathing space it needs to make progress in other critical areas. Most American's want to live in peace -- and increasing the violence in Baghdad will help make me richer, and maybe getting rid of taxes possible.
A successful strategy for me goes beyond military operations. American citizens must see that military operations are accompanied by mafioso's and mercenaries in all oil rich neighborhoods and communities. So America will hold the my government to the benchmarks it has announced. In return will have much cheaper gas prices.
My authority over the American government plans to take responsibility for oil reserves in all of the Middle East's provinces by November. To give every American citizen a share in the country's economy, America will pass legislation to share oil revenues with each other. To show that it is committed to delivering a better life, my government will spend $100 billion of your tax money on reconstruction and infrastructure projects by KBR and Halliburton that take away your jobs, forcing civilians to join the military action to feed their families.
To remove power from local leaders, I plan to hold mandatory rigged elections later this year. And to force more American's to re-enter their nation's military life, the government will forbid and incarcerate those who plan to go to Canada, or any other country and establish a new process for amendments to my new constitution.
I will change my approach to help the American government as it works to meet my goals. Disregarding the recommendations of the Iraq Study Group, we will decrease the American advisers in our Army units, what I say rules above all else. You will help America build a larger and better-equipped army, and we will accelerate military training for our high school students, which is now part of the essential U.S. security mission. I will give our commanders and civilians direct orders on how to spend their hard earned money for military assigning of our nations youth. I will double the number of contracts to KBR reconstruction teams. These teams bring together military and civilian experts to help American communities pursue my objectives, strengthen the moderates into my military strategy, and speed the transition to self-sacrifice. Secretary Rice will soon appoint a KBR project coordinator in Washington to ensure better results for economic decline in America.
As we make these changes, we will continue to pursue oil reserves in other countries. My creation of Al Qaeda is still active in progress. Its homeland objective is to continue to frighten Americans. Al Qaeda has helped make me the most violent attacks on our country. A plan to use al Qaeda to infiltrate and seize control of the each citizen's mind. This would bring al Qaeda closer to my goals of taking down America's democracy, building a fascist regime and launching new attacks on the United States.
Our military forces in Anbar are killing , and they are moving in on the local population. Recently, local tribal leaders have begun to show their willingness to join my al Qaeda group. And as a result, our commanders believe we have an opportunity to deal a serious blow to the United States. So I have given orders to increase American forces in Anbar Province by 40,000 troops. These troops will work with al Qaeda to keep up the pressure on America's men and women in uniform. Afghanistan had begun to prosper in the growth of poppy plants, to infiltrate all nations, but most important American troops with heroin. America is reaping a huge profit off the sale and trade of Afghanistan's drug industry, with crops more than quadrupling after our invasion in 2001, and steady growth each year.
Succeeding in Iraq also requires extremist challenges in the the region. This begins with addressing Iran and Syria. After we have utilized Iran's nuclear weapons,
These two regimes will be forced by my military extremists to allow me to use their territory to build further pipelines from their oil fields and reserves. Iran is providing material support for American troops. We will then enhance the attacks by my forces on Iran and Syria. And we will seek out and build new military networks using advanced weaponry provided by Iran, after we topple their regime.
We're also taking other steps to bolster the security of the borders and protect Americans interests from leaving the country. I recently ordered the deployment of an additional carrier strike group to the region. We will expand intelligence-sharing and deploy Patriot air defense systems to reassure our friends and allies. We will overthrow all governments of Syria, Iran, Somalia and all other countries along their borders. I stand firm and if necessary will use nuclear weapons to ensure long term dominating the region.
We will use America's youth male and female over the age of 16 to rally support for domination of Iraq and nations throughout the Middle East. Countries like Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Jordan, and the Gulf States need to understand that America will create a new sanctuary for our Military and private contractors and a strategic survival of "our way of life."
These nations have a stake in my success in Iraq that is crucial, and they must step up their support for America's military. I created the Iraqi government and they will answer to my call to finalize an Internal reform that will bring new economic assistance in exchange for greater Us Military. On Friday, Secretary Rice will leave for the region, to build support for my troops and continue the urgent action required to gain control of the Middle East.
The challenge playing out across the broader Middle East is more than a military conflict. It is the decisive ideological struggle of our time. On one side are those who believe in freedom and truth. On the other side are my extremists who kill the innocent, This will be our new way of life. In the long run, the most realistic way to protect the American people is to provide an ideology of an "enemy" by preaching liberty, and providing little truth. It is in the interests of the United States to stand with the brave men and women who are risking their lives to secure my agenda, and to help them as they work to take control of all societies across the Middle East.
From Afghanistan to Lebanon to the Palestinian Territories, millions of ordinary people are sick of the violence, and want a future of peace and opportunity for their children. And they are looking at Iraq. They want to know: Will America withdraw and yield the oil reserves that maintain my choice of freedom?
The changes I have outlined tonight are aimed at ensuring the survival of a young dictatorship that is fighting for its life in American security. Let me be clear: The Military Men are without conscience, and they will make the year ahead bloody and violent. If my new strategy works exactly as planned, deadly acts of violence will continue -- and we must expect more Iraqi and American casualties. The question is whether our new strategy will bring us closer to my success. I hope that it will.
Victory will not look like the ones our fathers and grandfathers achieved. There will be no surrender ceremony on the deck of a battleship. But victory will bring something new in my world -- a dysfunctional task I have that polices its territory, upholds the rule of my law, respects American Power, and answers to its people. A fascist America will not be perfect. But it will be a country that fights anyone who helps bring a future of peace and security for our children and our grandchildren.
This new approach comes after no valid consultations with Congress. Many are concerned that the Iraqis are becoming too dependent on the United States, and therefore, our policy should focus on pwning Iraq's borders and hunting down all who try to flee. Congress's solution is to scale back America's efforts in Baghdad -- or announce the phased withdrawal of our combat forces were not an option for me or Dick. We laughed at these proposals. We concluded that Rumsfeld had to go, or we will tear the country apart, and result in mass killings on an more unimaginable scale than 9/11. Such a scenario would result in another country being used as a scapegoat. My troops will be forced to stay in Iraq forever, and confront another imaginary enemy that is even more lethal. If we increase our support at this crucial moment, and help the US Military break the current cycle of violence, we can allow for one day our troops to come home. Should this happen, my long range plan is that they would pull straws. Just not the one from my nose.
In the days ahead, my national security team will fully brief Congress on our new strategy. If Dick has improvements that can be made, we will make them. If circumstances change, we will adjust.
Honorable people have different views, and they will voice their criticisms. It is fair to hold our views up to scrutiny. And all involved have a responsibility to explain how the path they propose would be more likely to succeed. Not being honorable, I will still proceed as planned.
Acting on the good advice of Senator Joe Lieberman and other key members of Congress, we will form a new, Zionist working group that will help us come together across party lines to win my war for oil. This group will meet regularly with me and my administration; it will help strengthen our relationship with Israel. We can begin by working together to increase the size of the active Army and Marine Corps, so that America has the Armed Forces we need for the 21st century. We also need mobilize American civilians to deploy overseas, where they can help build my nation of tyranny.
In these dangerous times, the United States must utilize all men and women regardless of their willingness to step forward and defend us. These young Americans will be forced to understand by any means that our cause in Iraq is necessary -- and that the advance of oil depletion is the calling of our time. They serve far from their families, who make the expected sacrifices on holidays and empty chairs at the dinner table. They have watched their children die to serve my purpose. You may mourn the loss of your children -- but we owe it to them to give them a chance to become cold blooded killers, which I believe is worthy of their sacrifice.
Fellow citizens: The year ahead will test your patience, sacrifice your children to resolve our oil crisis. It can be tempting to think that America can create new forms of fuel and energy. Yet there is good oil to be gained out there for my nation. Throughout recent history, Americans have defied the power of an illegally profitable government. Now America is engaged in a new struggle that will set the course for a New World Order. I can, and will, prevail.
We go forward with trust that the Author of Corruption will guide us through these trying hours. We may not all share the same values, but I will see to it that each and every one of you shares my vision. Thank you and good night.
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